Three Ladies In A Sauna

I found this to be pretty funny, and i'm pretty sure you guys will enjoy it too.

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN
A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER
FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND
WENT TO THE BATH ROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM
HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M GETTING A FAX!!


When you stop laughing, send this to those who will appreciate it.

Solitude (Working Title)

I have a major problem.

My pen hand’s run out of ink
Right side of my brain is on strike
I can’t think
I’ve got no words of wisdom
No rhythmic insight
And in my frustration
I keep taking my knife
Running it along my mental wrists
Yet the words aren’t flowin
What kind of writer’s block is this?
There are no pictures to paint
No sculptures to create
Just a big black cloud of
Shit, Damn, Fuck
Me.
My hand is bleeding now
From holding this pen so tight
But still my words are nowhere in sight!
Life’s heavy realities are slowly setting in
As if I inhaled too much oxygen
My head begins to spin
Landing me in the lap of desperation
I’m searching all over for a spark of inspiration
Some sensation or temptation
To wake me from this isolation….

And while I was drowning in my dark and saddened abyss…
I didn’t even realize I was writing this.

Chess Pieces on a Checkerboard

We
Don’t
Fit.
That ain’t no bullshit.
You know it, I know it
Our faces show it
Yet we keep playing these games
Of
Phone tag
Hide and go skeet
Kiss around your rosie
Pushing buttons
All for nothing
Just for the simple fact that
I’m hooked on you
And you’re hooked on me
Both of us wanting to be free
From the hold we have on each other
Like a ring that won’t come off
My middle finger
You say “Fuck you”
I say “Screw It”
I try to pull you off
But I just can’t do it
Sure, a little oil or butter might do the trick
But truth is without you I get heartsick
Can’t let you stay out of my way for more than a few
Two
One
Month
And right on time, you come back unable to get enough
Of me, the one addiction you can’t shake
Like Amy in Rehab, the treatment doesn’t take
And you come back saying you miss me
Or rather what’s in my pants
While I’m stuck in my own little trance
Of whether I should let you back in again
And then,
I open my door, kiss your lips
Lay you down on the floor
Loving how we’re like two chess pieces on a checkerboard.

A Life In A Second #1

Nobody heard him.

His name was David
But Ghost was his alias.
Quiet and shy
Always kind and never one to lie
He stood out like a sore thumb
So they made him the butt of every joke
Oh how their jeers choked
The self-esteem right out of his soul
So when he went home
There was nothing protecting him from hell.

Nothing stopped his uncle from touching him at night
Or his brother from watching, too paralyzed to fight
Nothing stopped his mother from drinking herself into a stupor
Nothing stopped David from wanting to shoot her
For not leaving him with his older sister and father
Who, by the way, never even bothered
To try and save him.
Years went by and next thing you know, his mother dies
But that night, for her, David couldn’t cry
Because his uncle was too busy enjoying his ride

And then David had enough.
When his uncle was finished, sweaty and exhausted
David went to the bathroom and that’s where he lost it
He reached beneath the toilet, and found his favorite knife
The one he could never use before to take his life
It’s steel head gleamed with purpose as he placed it against his skin
And he looked up to the heavens and whispered, “You win”

Nobody heard the blade slice through his wrists
Nor the blood as it flowed freely and dripped
Staining the white floor around his bare feet
He slid down the wall, and closed his eyes for one final sleep
Nobody heard David’s tears as his life slipped away
Nobody knew what happened to him until the following day.

X-Factors (Working Title)

So I’m staring at the love letter you sent me
Or rather I wish that’s what I was reading
Instead I’m stuck with a slice of hot hatred
Singeing my fingers
But I hold on anyway
Hoping this feeling will burn away
Though I try to ignore it, it remains all too true
I still love you.
But according to this letter, that wasn’t enough
Was it?
No of course not…
Right?
I mean, if it was, I wouldn’t be sitting here
Drowning in my own tears
Damn….
I am such a bitch.
Where did we go wrong?
And now I’m slicing and dicing
All our flirting and enticing
The kisses and hugs
All those fuzzy lovebugs
That wrapped around us like a snug glove
And the equation remains the same.
Nothing adds up, remainders exist left and right
Not a single equal sign in sight….
Even when I analyzed our epic fights
Battles that left you sobbing
And me couch hopping
I’m still answerless…
Cause we got through every bout.
Except this burning Post-It in my hand.
For a few more hours
I toss and turn every angle of our romance
Until suddenly, I’m snapped out of my trance
And it makes sense.
My love wasn’t enough and neither was yours
Because of all the extra factors we let in the door
Cluttering up the space that connected our hearts
Then that bond hit maximum capacity and fell apart
We got caught up in expectations and fine print
The little details and rumors that didn’t mean shit
Until we forgot each other….
And this is what you must have been angry to see
Wow….suddenly this letter isn’t hurting me.

A Little Bit?

Sooo, I'm currently on this new artist. She freakin rocks. Her voice, which is very light, breathy (is that a word? it is now) really is enjoyable. Her album, Youth Novels, goes hard. End of story. So if you have an open mind, and just enjoy interesting music, feed your eclectic pallet and check her out! Ah yes, her name. Lykke Li. You can thank me later. =P

P.S.-I originally came across her in a remix to her song Little Bit. and who does the remix feature? Drake. So all you drake heads, here's a new song for you to hop onto.

New Kool Art: The Terrible Three

Ok, so I just felt a need to pay a tribute to my besties. Without save and keenon, I don't know what I'd do. Probably pursue a "safe" career lol. But leave it to those two to be my bad inf--motivators to pursue my passion with a fire unbridled. Also leave it to them to land me in handcuffs right next to them. All in all, this pic is Kool Art because it's me, he and she....the diverse yet identical members of the Terrible Three.